03 February 2009
I don't know how to feel.
Lewis, I love you, that will never change and I know what's happened to you is absolutely horrible. I just don't know how to understand all of us, I don't understand how I went from the most important thing in your life to another obligation that you don't need. I know you have a lot on your plate, but I didn't ever think I'd end up as an obligation for you. If that's how you feel I am for you now, please just tell me and I'll leave you be about the relationship. It will hurt, but I don't want to be the obligation you'll regret later in life. I'll do whatever you want me to do, you know what I want already and I refuse to bug you about it, I don't want to make a decision that you'll end up regretting and I'd rather not have you than have you while you regret making that decision. I love you with all my heart, this is all in your hands, I want nothing more to be there for you, even if it's only when I can be. I don't want to be pushed out of your life, but it is your life and if it will be easier without me, then I guess that's how it will be. I can only hope that if you don't want me in your life anymore, you will at least remember and keep close to you that you once had a woman who would have given up the world for you and would have spent the rest of her life with you. I love you.