Waiting and hoping...

I miss you.

I don't know how to feel.

Lewis, I love you, that will never change and I know what's happened to you is absolutely horrible. I just don't know how to understand all of us, I don't understand how I went from the most important thing in your life to another obligation that you don't need. I know you have a lot on your plate, but I didn't ever think I'd end up as an obligation for you. If that's how you feel I am for you now, please just tell me and I'll leave you be about the relationship. It will hurt, but I don't want to be the obligation you'll regret later in life. I'll do whatever you want me to do, you know what I want already and I refuse to bug you about it, I don't want to make a decision that you'll end up regretting and I'd rather not have you than have you while you regret making that decision. I love you with all my heart, this is all in your hands, I want nothing more to be there for you, even if it's only when I can be. I don't want to be pushed out of your life, but it is your life and if it will be easier without me, then I guess that's how it will be. I can only hope that if you don't want me in your life anymore, you will at least remember and keep close to you that you once had a woman who would have given up the world for you and would have spent the rest of her life with you. I love you.

I don't know what to say.

I feel lost, numb... just shocked.

I still love you so much... I just... this is so painful.

I hope we can still be together, there's nothing more in this world that I want.. just please.. come back to me.

Miss you more...

I know it's only been a day and a half since we last talked, but I'm missing you horribly. I hope you're around tonight, I love you, you're my everything. My world just doesn't seem right without you.

I miss you baby.

I've been thinking about you all day, wishing you were here... I love you. I hope I get to see you tomorrow, my day just isn't the same without you. I guess I'll go to bed early tonight in hopes of seeing you... you're my absolutely everything love, the reason I live and breath. Please take care, I'd be lost without you.

Wedding stuff.

So babe, I've been thinking of wedding things since I'm so excited about it all. Hmm... snowflakes... red accents, white... I'm not sure how to explain it exactly, what I have pictured in my mind is lovely though. Hmm, let me try.

You walk in, the ceiling is draped with soft white fabric that billows to the edge of the walls, then falls in loose sheets to the floor. Layered over that are sheets of iridescent gossamer fabric fabric that catches the light and spreads it over the fabric, sparkling with a faint rainbow shimmer. From this lovely backdrop, snowflakes made from tiny clear beads hang from the ceiling, in all different sizes and designs. The white chairs are all lined up, covered in the same gossamer fabric as the ceiling and walls. Around the back of the chair, a bright red ribbon has been tied, matching the red runner that runs down the middle of the chairs. The altar itself is an archway of red roses, the trellis is weaved with more white and gossamer fabric and red ribbon.

The invitations I thought could be a background of bright red paper, ice blue and then a beaded snowflake. I saw a great idea of how to make something similar yourself and I think I could do it, I actually want to go out now and buy some beads to practice the snowflakes.

Hmm, I want to try my hand at making the cake, I'm thinking white chocolate and strawberry? It sounds pretty good for me.

Anyway, babe, I have a stomach bug and I was up anyway so I figured I'd plan a bit. Love you so much baby, you're my everything.

<3

I'm still so amazed, I can't even tell my mum because every time it hits me that we really are engaged, I choke up in tears. I love you so so much, I'm still reeling that you want to marry me, want to spend the rest of your life with me. I knew you loved and that I meant the world to you, it's just that the confirmation is everything I've always wanted and it's so amazing to finally have it.

From the first time I met you, I knew you were the one for me. It was something different, it was a craving for you, not a desire, not a thought of "hey, maybe this could work and be fun," it was a moment of knowing that I need you in my life. You are the most amazing and beautiful person I have ever met. I know you'll probably argue me on that and yes, I'm sure you have faults, we all do, but to me, every little thing you think as a fault is beautiful to me because it makes you who you are, and I absolutely adore who you are.

I can't wait for the future babe, for all the happiness and love. We'll have our bumps in the road like everyone does, but I know that we can make it, we have the deep love to overcome them all. I love you, Lewis, with everything I am and everything I'll ever be. You are the absolute one for me, you are my sun, clouds, sky, the wind... everything around me, everything that makes up what I am. I adore you.

I just can't sleep.

I'm still so speechless. I mean... I've been staring at this page wondering how exactly to verbalize just how happy I truly am. I still have no idea how to do it... it just defies any attempt... I just... love you, with every single part of me. Every breath, every smile, every beat of my heart is for you and only you. You are the reason I exist, you are the one I'm meant for, my love.

I am so so excited, I started looking at dresses, what do you think? :P

Good morning, love

Hope you slept well and have had a good day at work so far. I'm guessing they either made you work more or you're out getting things done, which is okay babe, things happen. I do miss you though, more and more each day, you are my absolute everything and I feel so lost without you. You are the answer to every hope and dream I've ever had.



how can you see into my eyes like open doors
leading you down into my core
where I’ve become so numb without a soul my spirit sleeping somewhere cold
until you find it there and lead it back home

(Wake me up)
Wake me up inside
(I can’t wake up)
Wake me up inside
(Save me)
call my name and save me from the dark
(Wake me up)
bid my blood to run
(I can’t wake up)
before I come undone
(Save me)
save me from the nothing I’ve become

now that I know what I’m without
you can't just leave me
breathe into me and make me real
bring me to life

(Wake me up)
Wake me up inside
(I can’t wake up)
Wake me up inside
(Save me)
call my name and save me from the dark
(Wake me up)
bid my blood to run
(I can’t wake up)
before I come undone
(Save me)
save me from the nothing I’ve become

Bring me to life
(I've been living a lie, there's nothing inside)
Bring me to life

frozen inside without your touch without your love darling only you are the life among the dead

all this time I can't believe I couldn't see
kept in the dark but you were there in front of me
I’ve been sleeping a thousand years it seems
got to open my eyes to everything
without a thought without a voice without a soul
don't let me die here
there must be something more
bring me to life

(Wake me up)
Wake me up inside
(I can’t wake up)
Wake me up inside
(Save me)
call my name and save me from the dark
(Wake me up)
bid my blood to run
(I can’t wake up)
before I come undone
(Save me)
save me from the nothing I’ve become

(Bring me to life)
I’ve been living a lie, there’s nothing inside
(Bring me to life)

Bedtime

It's late, I'm tired, yet all I can think of is you. I can't wait for tomorrow, I'm so excited for you to be off work early, I almost don't want to sleep and just wait for you to come around. I will though, because I know you'd want me to. I love you, now I'm off to dream of you, my love.

Lifehouse - You and Me

What day is it? And in what month?
This clock never seemed so alive
I can't keep up and I can't back down
I've been losing so much time

'Cause it's you and me and all of the people with nothing to do
Nothing to lose
And it's you and me and all other people
And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you

One of the things that I want to say just aren't coming out right
I'm tripping on words
You've got my head spinning
I don't know where to go from here

'Cause it's you and me and all of the people with nothing to do
Nothing to prove
And it's you and me and all other people
And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you

There's something about you now
I can't quite figure out
Everything she does is beautiful
Everything she does is right

'Cause it's you and me and all of the people with nothing to do
Nothing to lose
And it's you and me and all other people
And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you
and me and all other people with nothing to do
Nothing to prove
And it's you and me and all other people
And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you

What day is it?
And in what month?
This clock never seemed so alive

Hi sweetie.

Love,

Maybe it's a bit odd, but I wanted to make this blog for you. Letters are nice, as is telling you in person, but I wanted a place where I can write down the little thoughts about you, the ones that normally come and go and never find their way to you. I'm hoping that having this blog to write them down in will make sure you know just how often I think of you and just how much I love you.

I don't think there is a moment of my day where you aren't somewhere in my mind, "Where's he now?" "I wonder if he's thinking of me right now..." "I miss him..." All thoughts never far from me, always running through my other thoughts, poking at me to wish you were there. You are my world, nothing else really matters anymore, you are everything I need or want. I don't care what happens to me, I don't care how hard my life sometimes feels, you make it all melt away.

Even right now as you're still a few hours away from being here, I crave you. I miss you every second your gone, leaving me feeling incomplete, longing for you to return. Sometimes it frustrates me to have you so far away, so out of my reach. I can only hope you can feel how much I love you, how hard I'm wishing for your return even though we're so far apart.

I love you Lewis, with everything I am.